$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
