yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
