If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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