I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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