You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
