Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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