Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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