They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
