I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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