I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
