There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Damn victory sex feels great
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
