Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
