You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
