I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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