u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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