I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
