I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
