Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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