Already got asked if we're dating
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
