i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
