what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
