I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
