my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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