I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
