Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
