4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
