she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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