How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
