My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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