Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
