Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
