You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
