there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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