i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
