I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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