My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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