fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Randomize
