Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
