I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
