what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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