I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
