Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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