At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
