I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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