I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
