just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
