Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
