Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
