how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
