I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
