I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
