I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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